Before my regression training, I felt a silent, fierce impetus that pushed me forward, that got me up every day, that kept me on a trajectory, and which whispered into my ear ‘You’re on the right path – keep going’.
After more than a dozen past and current life energy clearings, that silent, fierce impetus is no more.
And what I’ve realised after it had disappeared, is that it had left little room for much else. It was a driving force that drove all else, but the energy of it, aside.
I use to marvel at folks who would go to art classes, dance lessons, evening walks, theatre, singing groups, heck, leisurely holidays abroad. My impetus meant that I had little time for those pleasures.
Even though I would encourage others to take up hobbies, to rest and enjoy creative endeavours, to make time to experience non-work activities; even though I knew that this material incarnation is a gift to be cherished and experienced in all its many facets… still, my fierce impetus told me there wasn’t room for everyday pleasure, joyful abandon or simply having fun. My impetus had a trajectory, a forward urgency that relentlessly push, push, pushed me, on and on…
But my last set of regressions released that impetus. Cut it off from my life energy. It was linked to a few past lives as religious persons, and one in particular…
High up on a sharp mountainside, within the thick, medieval walls of a last bastion of a castle, I sat in my aged, male body, desperately attempting to complete a piece of writing that would ensure the secrets of a young boy’s ancestry, his bloodline, would be safe. Two men awaited my completion, for the parchment to go into the dark wooden chest, with all the other documents that needed safe keeping. Two poles had been fixed to the chest so the men could carry it beyond the castle walls and town. Time was of the essence. But time did not favour us. A loud commotion alerted me to the battle raging through the castle. I could hear it getting closer and closer – the sound of metal on metal, the muffled cries of men dying. And now, my room breached and the men by the chest cut down, and before the ink is dry and the parchment hidden, I am driven through by the sword of a knight among those who have stormed the castle; my work left unfinished.
The impetus that drove me came from this time. The religious fervour that was my drive, derived from that incarnation – a job unfinished.
And now that life is healed. And now that wound is healed.
And now that impetus is gone. The striving has vanished.
And I am left, a small boat upon a big ocean, no longer fevered in my drive towards spiritual truth, unanchored now, free to float towards a trajectory, unknowing what that is…
And, it’s like any change. It’s an ending. And where there is ending, there is a strange twilight receding and beginning. A time of inbetweenness, of uncertainty. A time that can be most unsettling.
That time can feel lost and wayward and as if purpose is unknown.
And, I know that I am not alone in this experience. That I am a microcosm of the macrocosmic inbetweenness that is our moving out of one eon or age into another; that is our changing evolution and vibrational state.
And this is played out on all levels, and we feel it as individuals.
It may be the release of energy; it may be the job transition, the end of a relationship, the passing of a loved one, the changing of home or city or intention. It may be heightened emotions, unexplained illnesses, inexplicable concerns… A sudden or gradual change of a state or a way of being.
We are a species constantly experiencing inbetweenness but ever more so just now. In this global condition, we agreed to incarnate into as we cross the Bridge of Ages, we live with change and uncertainty. And though our individual experience often mirrors the global condition, our conscious awareness, our awakeness, can assist us in times of transition and inbetweenness.
So, what to do? How do we live with the forces of uncertainty – in the inbetweenness?
Well, a couple of days ago, I was introduced to the term, ‘Jesus take the wheel’. It coincided with a piece I’d just written on letting go.
Jesus take the wheel.
Let go and trust.
Let go and trust that all will be exactly as needs be.
Because, I don’t know about you, but me, when I’m in that uncertainty, I tend to hold more tightly.
Jesus take the wheel… Let it go.
What happens when we hold tightly, latch on to, push against, is that our efforts usually cause us more unrest, hurt, disappointment.
Why? Because when we hold tight, attach, push, we do so from fear… Fear of loss, fear of hurt, fear of failure, fear of loneliness, fear of poverty, fear of all manner of things… And when we are sitting in uncertainty, fear can rise up in ways that it hasn’t before…
Like when a person had an impetus that is no longer there…
When we let go, we don’t stop caring, but we do stop forcing, trying to control… When we let go, we TRUST that our very own, authentic, loving self will BE and DO exactly what is needed for our wellbeing.
Because when we let go, we surrender to the laws of the Universe, the rhythm of our planet of which we are part. We ride the wave that is the Symphony of Life within a vibration of harmony.
As Buddhist nun Pema Chodron says, that when we can let go of the fear, we come to learn how to live beautifully with uncertainty and change.
We let go.
Jesus take the wheel!
We let go into the space between, and we trust.
And rather than holding tightly, we can let go into all manner of experiences. We let go into family. We let go into friends. We let go into creativity. We let go into joy. We let go into meditation, dance, art, singing, Spirit. We let go into Love.
We let go into the Universe and its harmonious flow.
Jesus take the wheel.
For me that means living without striving, without that urgency pushing me forward; it means trusting that the unfolding of inbetweenness into knowing, clarity and newness, will have its own riches, learnings, opportunities.
Less impetus. More joy. Less striving. More play.
That is my intention now – to live beautifully in this time of change.
What would it be like for you, if ‘Jesus’ took the wheel? If you let go and trust each moment in uncertainty, knowing, really knowing that even uncertainty has its beauty…